mood: emotionless yet sad
listening to: lindsay lohan - 'over' & oasis 'wonderwall'
watching: msn convo

can't describe it... can't talk about it (vocally)... but i still want to vent.

i just have the feeling when i don't want to care anymore cos i don't want to hurt anymore...

i just want to go... away.... far far away

am i just stirring up shit? or is there really a problem? there must be cos i can't make this all up. i can't start from scratch so there must be issues to begin with, but i can't help but think i've escalated it all.

well time will tell... if it doesn't run out before it happens... we'll see

ciao

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listening to: mario winans - i dont wanna know.... loving this song!!
mood: happy and tired
yay.... well today was a pretty good day... except for the lil weird things... eg. strange ppl hitting on me :P... but i saw the day after tomorrow... which i liked... mmm jake gyllenhaal is rather hot!

oh my best friend decided to join the army :( thats not cool... but it'll b ok.. i hope

oh and im gonna hav such an awesome weekend!! whoo!! hoo!!!
oks gotta bounce
luv shari :)

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listening to: usher - simple things (HOTT)
mood: ok... surprisingly not tired too

hey hey!!!! whats happening!!!
i havent slept since yesterday when i woke up at noon...... was up ALL last night.... due to 2 homemade mocha frappes!!! in mega sized cups too :) i was out all day 2 day..... no sleep for me.... no no no..... zzzzzz's aren't allowed... i had 2 drink coke today to make sure i was awake for class.... i hate coke!!! mega gross!! i could barely keep it down!! :P

anywho onto some proper news broke up wit BF!!! ! MUAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!
nah its ok.... he's ok.... im ok..... we're all OKK!!!!!! hmmm mayb not so much ok.... cos i gtg soonn.... stupid brother with his internet addiction....

one last thing.............. WHOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

oks byes luv me!!

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oh im so so so tired... im typing at a very very slow speed... its weird... i got lotsa sleep.... slept in til 10am only went 2 the mall 2day... lookin for a job ..... and my latest crush ;) but he wasnt there :'( i met him yesterday... and he's really really nice... and sweet not to mention HOTT!! flirting is FUNN!! but kinda gets me into trouble sometimes :P

did i mention that im really really unexplainably TIREDD?? its kinda scaring me a bit too... oh hello here comes a fucking headache too!!! what the fuck is wit me!!??!! its totally not COOLL!! my head is hurty... im gonna go cry now... ba byess!!

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well this morning i was stressing about this test that i had to redo cos i got one question wrong.... and i was stressing cos i didnt kno sum "formulas".... plus i missed the bus so i was worried i would hav less time..... stress stress STRESS!!

so anywho i get to class.... (half an hour late) and the teacher goes....so anyway u actually passed the test and i was like !!!!!!!!!!!!! now u tell me!!! ahh!! but its good.... but i coulda stayed at home for a lil longer and slept in or went 2 my friends house :( oh.... but its ok.... so anyway im here at school.... rather bored.... waiting til its 2.30 so i can go 2 my next class.... mmmm computers interesting!!

my back, neck, shoulders, tummy, legs, arms are all so very very SORE!!!!!! i need another massage..... BADLY!!! hmmm.... soo.... my eyes were being really gay this morning too.... i was temporary BLIND!!

hmm.... so im just bitching now.... venting all my feelings and emotions.... letting it all out.... i really wanna go on MSN but this comp has the old version.... and i cant download the new one.... and it wont let me into the old one..... stupid nasty comp!!!

so ya... mmmm.... my lastest celeb crush is....... (drum roll thanks)...... Chris Hemsworth..... he's Kim on Home & Away.... and he is HOT with a capital H O T.... mmmm...... tasty.... i told my bf that i think he's hot.... and he got RATHER JEALOUS!!!!!!! was funny.... i was being really mean to him yesterdday.... cos hes being really gay lately... ikinda wanna break up wit him... cos im not quite liking him anymoer..... since i hav lotsa time ima tell u all about it.... oks here we go...

1. i dont really think that i love him anymore.... im kinda over it
2. he's..... umm..... well.... kinda.... sorta..... BORING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
3. i dont really feel like im totally physically attracted to him..... hes not like the hottest guyy on earth.... chris hemsworth on the other hand or ashton kutcher, or paul walker or.... ORLANDO BLOOM!!! or even johnny depp minus the mega age gap.... yeh
4. this kinda ties in wit the boringness.... since i've known him for 5 years and hav been best friends wit him for like 2... hes kinda predictable.... which is boring.... and everytime we go out its the same shit..... so routine.... i wish he'd just like totally surprise me and do something awesomely different and cool!!!
5. he's changed!!!!!!! he's gone sooooo soft.... and it feels like when we're together.... ahh i cant think of what i was gonna say but umm.... he gets too sensitive and like sissy.... hes FUCKING GAY in other words.... i wish he'd change back into what he was like before.... funny, crazy, unpredictable, cool..... not this sissy boy who is too sensitive and doesnt wanna do anything.... fuck he's pissing me off..... just feel like slapping him in the face and saying stop it u fuckhead..... go back to the way u were
6. i also kinda feel smothered.... i talked to him everyday... if i dont call him.... cos i dont hav anything to say.... he'll call me.... i just want some space.... i just want to forget about him for like 2 minutes..........
7. i feel really mean but he's not what i want.... i think i only went out wit him in the first place cos HE wanted me to and EVERYONE else did as well.... but i always had doubts and stuff.... i shouldnt of done it..... silly me.... cos now im like mega stuck.... he'll b soo cut if i break up wit him and since he's leaving for the army and shit.... i dunno it wouldnt be fair....and then again it doesnt feel right to be with him.... it feels sooo wrong.... i dont wanna do it no more.... i dont want this and i dont like it!!!
GOD!!! its soooooooo FRUSTRATING!!!!!!!! i dont really feel like i can tell anyone.... other than like here typing it out... or writing it into my diary... i dont feel that any of my friends are close enough, or would care.... and some would b like 'i told u so' or whatever.... and mum would just b gay about it
.......................!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
that explains my feelings!! also AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH mega frustration!!

oks.... well ima go now... cos i gots like 4 mins left.... and i hav nothing left to say.... in conclusion of my gay boyfriend...... I HATE HIM!!!!!!!!!!! nah i dont hate him.... but i surely dont wanna be with him anymore... i've had enough!!

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yes school sucks!!! just finished an assignment which was totally pointless!!!! meh anyway.... now that i've got that outta my system.... im slowly but gradually becoming happy.... some stuff in my life that were just screwed up beyond belief are beginning to repair.... so their good.... but then again sum other stuff are just plain wrong!!! i watched 'looking for alibrandi' today....i like that movie... it made me cry!! but its still good... i could totally relate to the main character... i know how it feels to feel like someone could b watching you and for people to gossip about u and in about 5 seconds it comes back to ur mother.... i really hate that about ppl... i have a life and i live it however i want... not how others want!

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